Healing the wounds of sexual addiction by Mark R. Laaser

Author:Mark R. Laaser [Laaser, Mark R.]
Format: epub
Tags: General, Religion, Christianity, Christian Life, Christian Life - General, Christian life & practice, Personal Growth, Christianity: General, Religion - Christian Life, Christian Theology, Self-Help, Psychology, Religious aspects, Religious life, Ethics, Love & Marriage, Substance Abuse & Addictions - Sexual, Compulsive Behavior, Sex addicts - Rehabilitation., Sex addiction - Treatment, Sex addicts - Religious life., Christian Life - Sexuality, Substance Abuse & Addictions, Sex addicts, Addiction, Rehabilitation, Sexuality & Gender Studies, Sex addicts - Rehabilitation, Sex addiction - Religious aspects - Christianity, Sex addiction - Religious aspects - Christianity., Sex addiction, Sex addicts - Religious life, Sexual behaviour, Psychopathology
ISBN: 9780310256571
Publisher: Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan, c2004.
Published: 2004-07-28T11:00:00+00:00

CREATE ACCOUNTABILITY

Sex addicts who are willing to heal, who thirst for God, and are able to

die to themselves need to be accountable in order to maintain sexual

purity.

It is important to understand what accountability is and what it

involves. For over seventeen years, I have studied and worked with the

accountability models of several recovery and Twelve-Step fellowships.

After trying to synthesize the wisdom of these sources, I believe the best

demonstration of accountability principles in action is illustrated by the

first four chapters of Nehemiah. It is a story of rebuilding a city that has

been destroyed. As we will see, the process involved in rebuilding a

destroyed city is the same process we can follow to establish accountability and rebuild lives destroyed by sexual addiction.

The process of establishing accountability includes ten components.

1. Begin in Sadness and Brokenness

In the story of Nehemiah, the Jewish people have been taken into

captivity in Persia. Nehemiah, a slave, is cupbearer to King Artaxerxes.

Although he is a slave, he is in proximity to power. Some of Nehemiah’s

relatives come to him and describe the devastation in Jerusalem. The

city has been destroyed and its “gates have been burned with fire”

(Nehemiah 1:3). Their report to Nehemiah is a plea for help. When

Nehemiah hears the news, he is sad and broken; he weeps for days (1:4).

In the face of devastation caused by addiction, it is right and healthy

to grieve our losses. If we fail to do this, we will continue to carry the

pain of the past and, sooner or later, it will sabotage the healing process

by driving us back to sexual addiction.

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The Journey of Healing

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2. Confess and Repent

Nehemiah then prays a two-part prayer (Nehemiah 1:5–11). First,

he confesses the sins of the Jewish people—failing to obey God’s commands—and he states a willingness to repent and return home.

Grief over the pain and losses of sexual addiction leads to a willingness to confess our failure to obey God’s commands.

3. Honestly Express Feelings and Needs

Nehemiah is still sad as he prepares wine and presents it to King

Artaxerxes. The king asks Nehemiah about his sadness and what he

needs. Nehemiah tells the king he is sad because Jerusalem, the city of

his ancestors, has been destroyed. He asks permission to return to

Jerusalem to rebuild it.

Nehemiah’s honesty about his feelings and needs puts him in a vulnerable position. What if his sadness offends the king? What if his needs

are ignored or denied? However, Nehemiah’s honest expression of his

emotions and needs secures precisely what he needs from the king.

Honestly expressing emotions and needs is one of the most difficult things for addicts to do. Many of us have spent lifetimes in selfdestructive behaviors to avoid this very thing. In order to heal,

however, we must learn to express our feelings and state our emotional and spiritual needs.

4. Practice in the Strength of Groups

The king grants Nehemiah’s request. At this point in the story, however, Nehemiah is about to make a big mistake. He asks the king for letters of safe passage and plans to make a thousand-mile journey through

enemy territory alone.

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